One of the articles I came across was in the sports section. The article is written by Christopher Clarey, well done Christopher, and the title is “A skier Hopes she will again be able to lend more than her voice. The article is about Sandra Laoura. Sandra won a bronze medal at the 2006 Winter Games in Turin, Italy. Today she is a reporter for French Televisions. Now for the rest of the story…

Sandra’s live changed on January 5, 2007, at Mont-Gabriel, a ski resort near Montreal. She was preparing for the first World Cup competition of the season and was on her last run and last jump of the session. For reasons still not wholly explained, she started a black flip and did not finish it, landing on her back on the snow and breaking two vertebrae. She believes she blacked out during the jump. It’s been three winters now and she still remains a paraplegic.

Sandra said: “I was expecting a happy Olympics so I could revive myself.” “And I’m realizing that they are sad Olympics for me, and so its going to be harder to go back to France and move beyond certain things.” What do you think “those certain things” might be? Try this on for size: “I’ll be happy when…..” From personal experience I can assure you this is the most dangerous thought any disabled person can harbor. She went on to say: “I’m still in mourning.” “I don’t know for how long.”  Been there, done that!

When I first read the article about Sandra Laoura, I didn’t think much about it, maybe because I’m so focused on making my life better and happier everyday; its harder for me to relate to those who are not choosing to take a similar path. It was pretty amazing that the next article I read was by Jan Hoffman called On top of the Happiness Racket. She introduced me to the book The Happiness project by Gretchen Rubin-thank you Jan Hoffman for a great article!

The Happiness Project started out as a yearlong effort by Ms Rubin, to track her monthly progress-the goal was simple, amplify her happiness quotient. I think everyone should have this on a card with them:

“Enjoy the moment. Notice what’s happening. Feel grateful.” Yes, even if you are disabled, and in mourning, you can employ this strategy.

As a matter of fact, according to yours truly, you must embrace this strategy to survive and thrive. The options are not pretty.

Do yourself and your loved one a favor-go buy this book by Ms Rubin. If you can’t afford it right now go to her website, The Happiness Project and start really living your live to the fullest! On a final note, I want to wish the very best to Sandra Laoura, she is a very competitive woman who’s spirit is crushed right now-she will figure a way out of this. I know we will be reading great things about Ms Laoura in the near future Best Wishes, Sandra!!

I got the call early Sunday morning that mom had suffered a massive heart attack and was only alive because she was on a ventilator-the news came like a punch in the gut. I’m a believer in the glass is half full but this shook me to the core. When I walked in the hospital Sunday evening there was mom, in an induced coma struggling for her life, and there was nothing I could do. Now I was getting a flavor of what she had gone through so many years ago.

Mom was touch and go for several days. The hope was that she would regain enough strength so they could do a triple bypass surgery. Fortunately that came to be and all those hours of agonizing and feeling helpless came to pass. It made me even more appreciative of all that mom had gone through and all she had done for me on my road to recovery. I had the pleasure of spending time with her this Thanksgiving week, watching her slow but steady progress. It was a special Thanksgiving this year and it gave me added incentive to finish this book and dedicate it to my mother!

One of the things her mom told me really struck a cord, she said:

My daughter just wants to blend in with the other kids

Boy, did that take me back to the days when I was sixteen years old-and the only kid in school on crutches. I just wanted to blend in!! I learned over the years, as she will, that we will never blend in. Guess what, that’s a good thing. We are unique and the sooner that we can embrace our uniqueness and celebrate it-the sooner we are truly free and giving ourselves permission to soar.

For me this was the hardest lesson to accept. Today, I’m a professional speaker and all of my speaker buddies spend thousands of dollars on their “brand” and conveying just that right image…I silently smile to myself and celebrate the fact that of all the professional speakers in the United States;I’m the dude on the fancy crutches that speaks on search engine optimization (SEO). People may not remember me but they remember those crutches and my “brand”.

I hope that all of you who may read read this will celebrate your uniqueness and your special brand-you are truly specail Maryanne Williamson is much more eloquent than me:

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

I looked at Henry in stunned disbelief-I had been waiting for months to walk again. Now, the thought petrified me. There was no feeling in my legs, I could not move them-how exactly was I going to walk?

Henry looked at me and smiled and in his calming voice told me not to worry. He first helped me get into my leg braces. They were made of steel and took quite the effort to get in. Next came the crutches-they too were made out of steel. Henry got me out of bed with the help of several nurses. He locked my braces so they were straight on my legs and said let’s walk. The idea was for me to put the weight on my crutches and swing my legs out in front of me. My arms were so weak and they were shaking as my arms tried to lift all this weight.

The crutches and braces actually weighed more than me! I finally managed a “step” or two but the process made me totally exhausted.

I was totally exhausted but it was such a great experience to “walk” again. In my wildest imagination it did not occur to me how darn hard it was to “walk” again. My arms could not yet bear the weight and it was shocking how heavy those crutches and braces were. In spite of all of that I was the happiest six year old on the planet-brighter days were on the way!!

After months of me bugging the doctors about when could I go home-they finally said that once I was fitted for crutches and braces they were throwing me out-Oh Happy Days! That was the best news of my short life to date.

Since I had the full use of my scrawny arms I was able to get around in the hospital by myself. It was a complete feeling of euphoria for this six year old! Needless to say, I was relentless in asking every doctor and every nurse if I could go outside just to smell the fresh air. Right after they said no, my next question was: “why can’t I go home?”

Stand tall, don’t you fall
For God’s sake don’t go and do something foolish
All you’re feeling right now is silly human pride
-Burton Cummings

There will be days when you and your disabled child will hit some low spots but I hope this inspires you to go forward and become the hero that you are!

Steve Mertz

Paterson’s indiscretions with cocaine and infidelity were open game on the Saturday Night Live skit. I happened to see the skit and personally felt it was over the top-and I love humor!

I enjoyed Paterson’s insights about humor and disabilities:

“I think people who have a good sense of humor do have in them a little bit of loneliness. When I was younger, I was certainly that way. So I think I used humor to entertain myself. That was my way of enjoying time, my way of finding the frivolity in situations.

When asked whether the skit offended him he offered another great insight:

“There is only one way that (disabled) people could have an unemployment rate that’s six time the national average-it’s attitude, and I’m afraid that the kind of third-grade depiction of individuals and the way they look and the way the move add to that negative environment.”

Good for you Governor Paterson! You now know why I feel humor is critical for children and we will talk more about employment in future posts! You can see CNN comments here as well as video of the skit. The Huffington Post has an article with many diverse opinions on the skit.

Steve Mertz

If it were up to me a mandatory course on improv humor would be required for all children with disabilities.  To parents I would offer this insight-the healing doesn’t start until the laughter begins, I’m serious. Humor is the universal language and it’s impossible to have a pity party and laugh at the same time.

Humor has been my favorite coping tool over the years. It’s diffused many an awkward situation and made many friends for me over the years. Combine humor with the ability to generate small talk and you have a powerful combination. Many hospitals may not think a lot of me wanting to set up an improv humor club but have you seen the look on the kids faces when the clowns make a visit to seriously ill children in the hospital?

I don’t mean to minimize the heartbreak that parents go through when a child incurs a disability but if your family can find and generate some humor along the way; I’m sure the journey for you will be easier.

The healing doesn’t start until the laughter begins. One day we will look back at this and laugh-Let’s start right now. Terry Paulson

To the best of my recollection; I would say that I was shy and really just wanted to have all of this over-guess what, I doesn’t go away. After you have that wonderful support system around you; the real world awaits you! These are the folks who stare, ask very intrusive questions or just can’t help themselves-they want to learn more about you and your condition. What are you going to do to cope…

Meet my friend, Debra Fine. Debra is the author of The Fine Art of Small Talk. Mothers, do yourself a favor and buy this book for yourself and read it. Share the pearls of wisdom in the book with your child-it will make your journey much more enjoyable!

Debra, was a very introverted engineer, who was forced to go to networking events and social events for work-she hated it! She taught herself to engage in small talk and make the other person be the focus of the conversation-pretty smart! I promise all you parents that  you and your children will need to master The Fine Art of Small Talk.

I have been very blessed in my life and have met thousands of loving, caring people; but, sooner or later they want to know what happened. You may as well get a short concise answer and then move the conversation to focus on them-if you choose to engage them further. If you don’t want to pursue the conversation, Debra’s book gives you a plethora of ways to bow out gracefully! Do yourself a favor and buy this book

Somewhere along the line I was fortunate enough to discover some of these techniques and I feel very blessed for all the friends I’ve made along the way. As a parent you will have plenty of time sitting in the hospital and late at nigh to reflect on how to help your child. This book will help you and your child. Thanks for all the great tips Debra!